Three Failures and Two Not-Failures

This 1st grade dork had no idea of the pitfalls and roadblocks ahead in life.

A pie.

About 40 years ago, I had a summer job as a baker, and the place was known for pies. A guy from church told me about a pie his mom used to make for him and asked if I would make it for him. I was willing to try, so he brought me the recipe. He called it “chocolate meringue” and the recipe called it “chocolate chiffon” —I call it “chocolate pie failure”.

I wrote this to a friend who inherited the baking job:

Everything was wrong: my Crisco had been in the fridge for probably 10 years and for some reason had oil all over the outside top of the lid. What?? And the stuff in the can looked dried out, so I put it in the trash and found a recipe for a pie crust with butter.

Why does EVERY pie dough recipe NEVER have enough water? “Add 1 T at a time, up to 1/4 cup” —useless, with tons of dry flour leftover in the bowl. But I persisted, and eventually was able to roll it out, using a spray bottle of water to get the cracks to glue together.

“Blind baking” is unfamiliar to me, but I lined the pan with foil on top of the dough and filled it with uncooked navy beans to hold it down. It worked well enough, but the butter melted and coated the crust with oil. Is this normal?

The pie filling used gelatin, and the envelopes I had were probably 2 or 3 decades old. So what? It’s gelatin, so I used it anyway.

It called for egg whites, beaten stiff. Kind of hard without an electric mixer or even a hand-crank egg beater, so I pulled out my immersion blender. Useless. Would NOT beat the egg whites stiff. Oh well, I added the called-for sugar despite the textural wrongness.

Then I thought that maybe I should give the egg whites another chance, so I started over with 3 more eggs. Nada. Zip. Zilch. No stiffness. 

So I just mixed everything together and poured it into the pie crust, and then was horrified to see that the filling, which contains 3 eggs, DOES NOT GET COOKED.

It sat in the fridge overnight, in the hopes it would solidify. Alas, it did not, and when I dipped a spoon into the extra filling to test it, it was very grainy because apparently the gelatin did NOT jell, in spite of following the directions.

In reading an updated version of the recipe (from a more current Better Homes & Gardens red and white checked cookbook), I learned that there are many important steps that my old recipe did not happen to mention. In theory, it could turn out in a second attempt with all the nuances and proper tools, but in reality, I’m done. Because of the raw eggs, all the time wasted spent, and the fact that it was chocolate, I baked it (raw eggs—no thanks). It is weird but edible (CHOCOLATE!).

A Shawl

I found some almost thread-weight cotton yarn at a yard sale many years ago and this winter, in an attempt to work through my yarn stash (still extensive in spite of my severe yarn diet of the past 3-4 years), decided to turn it into a shawl. This is the kind of pattern that starts with about 3 stitches, and every other row you add another 4 stitches to grow it into a triangle shape. The rows get longer and longer, ending with 366 stitches, and the lace pattern chart gets harder and harder to follow as the piece grows. My shawl looks as if there is no lace pattern, just a random mess of disorganized lace. I knew I was off many times, and decided that it didn’t matter. If a person is wearing a shawl, the pattern isn’t usually visible. I just kept plowing ahead, and the results are a dog’s breakfast. A lacy pink dog’s breakfast.

The angle of my inferior phone camera doesn’t show the triangular shape.

A Phone

An elderly friend bought a cordless phone and couldn’t make it work. I went to her house and did some troubleshooting, concluding that the phone was defective. I ordered another, and she meticulously followed each step to set it up. Zip, zero, zilch, nada. All I can figure out is that her “old” landline is not up to the current technological requirements of telephone behaviors. This is someone who has no internet or cell phone, and she is very determined to keep her life simple. Together we decided that this is just a time waster, so we’ll return both phones.

We both think that mail is a fine and reliable way to communicate.

Not a failure

I can draw.

I can help people write books and get them printed. The books that I have shepherded from idea to publication but that I don’t sell can be found on this new page: OTHER PEOPLE’S BOOKS. This includes Tales of TB, Springville’s Hospital, The Crooked Cross of Diamond Lake, Only the Living, and Adventures in Boy Scouting.

What This Central Calif. Foothill Artist Does in a Day

Not gonna bore you with mundane details of life, just the productive and mildly interesting aspects that often fill a workday for me.

First I met some friends early and we slammed out 4 miles on foot. Sometimes I don’t have anyone to walk with, and so I pick shorter steeper walks. On this particular morning there were 3 friends!

Next, Trail Guy and I decided it was a good day to figure out spacing and irrigation for another planting project at church. I’ve been keeping these shrubs alive for awhile for this purpose. (Vitex—doesn’t that sound like a food supplement? AKA “chaste tree” and we call them “lupine trees”)

When we got home, I called a glass shop to make an appointment to have someone come estimate the replacement of 5 broken window panes. Most came with the property and have been ignorable for many years, but last week I broke the pane over my drawing table. The window was stuck, and when I pushed on the frame from the inside, it warped enough to break the glass. Since this one matters, I figured I might as well get them all repaired.

Next, I finished editing a paper? document? report? for someone who has done a bunch of research, created this 160 page document, and may have slept through high school English classes. He did good research, and It could make a good book in the future.

When that was finished, I submitted the reformatted file of The Crooked Cross of Diamond Lake and then resized the cover to fit the greater number of pages. Why would I do this? Although Louise and I were quite happy with the outer appearance of the book, the interior was substandard. I used a free standard (Wait, didn’t I just call this “substandard”?) template from the book printing company and it was just ugly. So I successfully fought through my 11-year-old template and got it to work. (I’ll let you know when the book is available for purchase and how to get a copy.)

Of course I dress to coordinate with my book covers—don’t you?

When all my productive procrastination wore itself down to nothing left that could pass for work, I went outside to paint. The mosquitoes make it fairly annoying, so I picked a couple of pieces of lemon geranium and rubbed it over exposed skin. I think it actually worked as a mosquito repellant!

The order of business was to finish the last 2 paintings of the Honeymoon Cabin, getting stocked up for the summer selling season at Silver City.

I forgot to take the final photo of the 10×10” square painting.

The next two paintings are to sell here in Three Rivers, probably at Kaweah Arts or Stem & Stone. This one is a bit challenging with many things to simplify, many textures that would be possible if this was a pencil drawing. However, oil paint is a different media. (Thank you, Captain Obvious)

Same here.

When I left the painting workshop, I took two finished paintings into the studio to scan. I am still holding out that I can keep this scanner going for awhile. I really don’t want to spend a ton of time reading about them on the internet, trying to figure out who is a paid reviewer and who is telling the truth, figuring out what extra stuff is necessary to force it to work with Mac, and then having my laptop bite the dust (it is a 2015 model) and then the new scanner won’t work. Sigh.

The first one is as it scanned; the second is repaired with Photoshop Elements to more closely resemble the painting.

Same thing with this one.

And finally, I put the photos from my inferior phone camera on the laptop and wrote this post.

WAKEY WAKEY, I’M DONE NOW!

Late Spring Wildflowers in Three Rivers

We had a perfectly beautiful spring day in April after March’s unseasonable heat wrecked the green and prematurely caused most wildflowers to croak.

Buckeye trees actually are quite fragrant.
Mariposa lilies aren’t all that common in Three Rivers; we usually see a little different variety of this elegant lily in abundance in Mineral King. Some years I’ve seen a deep red version at Hume Lake.
This is a brodaeia called “pretty face”.
Mustang Clover—often it is white with a faint touch of lavender.
This isn’t a wildflower around here; it is a tamarisk tree, and this is the first time I’ve ever noticed it in bloom.

See? a perfect spring day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TLC!!

Can’t Let Go of Spring

Spring happened early in Three Rivers this year. It also seems to be ending early. It is hard to comprehend that Farewell To Spring began blooming around the lake at the end of March, when normally they don’t appear until the end of April or beginning of May.

You may have noticed that I am a little obsessed with the flowers growing in the wild and the ones blooming in my yard. By the time this post is appearing, all of these will be toast.

On the front porch; I think these are called Queen’s Tears.

Early early early for the climbing roses—normally they appear at the end of April.

A last hurrah for these iris. . . I think I’ll plant even more next fall. (Greedy? yeah, maybe)

In the orange grove of a friend, where we like to glean oranges, particularly when they are in bloom. Citrus is unusual in the plant world in that the blossoms and the fruit can be present at the same time (depending on when the fruit is picked.)

Around the time that the rest of the wildflowers and the green fade, I can always count on finding these penstemon on a regular walk in the neighborhood.

Fading fast. . . sigh.

This one would make a nice painting, and if I substituted poppies for the common madia, it might even sell.

The fiesta flower takes some of the pain out of spring’s end.

Okay, I’m tryna be brave here. ‘Posed to be working. Imma get something done besides obsess about flowers.

Maybe. Maybe I’ll stop speaking slang and straighten up and fly right now that spring’s distraction is ending.

Tryna Paint | A Few Other Things First

So many parts to my little life: editing, gardening, doing stuff for church. . . but I was ‘posed to be painting.

Look! This crape myrtle tree isn’t dead after all!

Hey! Why are these iris hiding?

This sign will be repurposed, but first Trail Guy had to scrape off old lettering, and then I had to put forty-eleven coats of paint on it. Now we get to store it until the next volunteer does his part.

What? You want another sign? Okay, fast-horse quality

LOOK! The climbing roses are blooming, and they usually don’t appear until the end of April!

Wait! I’m ‘posed to be painting!

Remember this guy? I thought he looked weird. After studying him upside down with the photo, I made a few adjustments, added a bit more detail, signed it and set it aside. This ain’t no piano I’m building here. . . let’s not get paralyzed by perfectionism, because summer’s selling season approaches.

Moving on, there are 3 more Honeymoon Cabin paintings to complete.

That was quick and easy. Next!

Back and forth between the two, tryna be efficient with the colors on the brush so I didn’t waste either paint or time.

Still, I didn’t finish either one of these. Maybe the next time I can get these both finished and move on to some Three Rivers paintings. Shoulda coulda woulda had them done in time for Easter weekend/First Saturday in Three Rivers, but there were so many other distractions. As you witnessed by the beginning of this disjointed post.

Morning Walk in Three Rivers

This was on March 26, so things already don’t look like this. Spring goes too fast, particularly when we get early days of heat.

And look at my yard when almost everything bloomed at the same time because of the early heat.

Spring will end soon, and I will remember that this blog is supposed to be supporting my art business, not just a place to gloat about being able to live in Three Rivers in the springtime.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!

Even More Spring in Three Rivers

Okay, it’s just pictures of spring in my yard. And I took these photos 2 weeks ago. Just hanging on to every last drop.

Herb Garden first. Why do I have an herb garden? Because when we first moved to Three Rivers, I was desperately looking for anything the deer wouldn’t eat. Eventually I cobbled a series of fences together to protect this little area, but the soil is poor, and it gets zero sun in the winter while baking in the summer. So, herbs mostly work.

Now let’s return to the most beautiful part of the yard. Yeppers, you’ve seen this before, but more are open now and the light changes too.

I’ll pull myself together soon, think of something to write about, focus on the work ahead. Thanks for hanging with me.

More Spring in Three Rivers

Yes, some repetition here. This little segment of the yard is stunning, and I try to look at it different times of the day, every single day.

Enjoying our seasonal “lawn”, which is mowed weeds, irrigated by rain.

Lilac!

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, K.C.!

Eleven Things Learned in March

  1. I’ve never heard of sous vide style cooking. Read about it here: A Beginner’s Guide to Sous Vide Cooking on a site called “Spruce Eats”. Pronounced “soo-VEED”. Not planning on trying it. I made it through the Insta-Pot and Keurig crazes without buying anything and will continue to keep my life and possessions simple wherever possible. But it is fun to learn about what other people are doing. If you want more info, Serious Eats is a great website for all sorts of cooking info.

2. Do NOT let piles of paper accumulate! I finally went through the stack of birthday and Christmas cards and in that stack I found THREE Very Important Items: 1. a letter I thought I had mailed in October (ARE YOU KIDDING ME??) 2. a gift certificate to Luis Nursery (ARE YOU KIDDING ME??) 3. An email and phone number for a dear old friend (HI CAREEN!! WE ACTUALLY TEXTED AND I ALWAYS THINK OF THINGS TO TELL YOU BUT DON’T WANT TO BE A WEIRDO AND A PEST.)

3. “Faff” can be both a verb and a noun, considered British English. (Great word, thank you, Elisabeth from Canada!) NOUN: An unnecessary or over-complicated task, especially one perceived as a waste of time. VERB: To waste time on an unproductive activity.

4. “Cruft” is similar to “faff”. It means redundant, old, inferior, especially as it relates to code (computer stuff).

No faff or cruft here.

5. Brushing scam is an entirely new term to me. It is yet another scam, this one a “fraudulent tactic where sellers send unsolicited packages to individuals to create fake “verified” reviews under their names, boosting the seller’s credibility without the recipient’s consent. This can expose personal information and lead to identity theft or other scams.” So, beware if you receive something you did not order! Keep it, donate it, bury it in your garden, but do NOT review it online or respond to the wicked “geniuses” who sent it.

6. Lone Oak Cemetery, still there in spite of neglect, still with poppies and a lone oak, right there in the orange groves of Ivanhoe as it was 60 years ago.

7. There are tollways in California. I thought there were only freeways, but I was wrong. It is a real privilege to live in a place where we say “the freeway” and everyone knows what is meant.

8. My cousin was a voracious reader and a list-maker. How did I not know this about him? Despite all our differences, we really and truly were related!

9. I went to an awards dinner (as a guest of a winner friend) and this tiny oval-ish citrus fruit was part of the centerpieces. I took a couple home to try and they were Very Sweet. No idea what they were! I should have taken more. . .

10. Wisdom from James Clear about unexpected forms of generosity: 

  • Not taking things personally can be a form of generosity. You give people the space to say things imperfectly.”
  • Leaving something unsaid can be a form of generosity. You don’t always need the last word. 
  • Being early can be a form of generosity. You wait, so they don’t have to. 
  • Delivering your work on time can be a form of generosity. You make life easier for everyone downstream. 

11. I learned how to make scrambled eggs that don’t stick to the pan. (But where did I learn this??) Put your fat in the pan and heat the pan hot enough that a drop of water dances, not sizzles. Then your eggs won’t stick! It actually works. ‘Bout time I figured this out.

And thus we conclude a month of many new pieces of information. I wonder how much I will retain.

Did you learn anything new in March?